You're very good at telling people what they want to hear. It takes a while to sort out when you're being genuine and you're wearing your mask. But I like to think I'm beginning to understand you a bit more.
It's been a long day for me. If you're asleep when I come by I'll leave the gift.
I thought I would feel satisfaction. It seems like I should be closer to achieving something after something so terrible happened to Louis. Afterwards it felt so easy. Past the shock and grime of it all, it didn't feel unfamiliar.
Truthfully, I wasn't thinking about Louis at all once I was out of the arena. I would have entered again if he hadn't told me he would be returning. It's like I can feel doors opening up inside of myself where there should be something kind and good, but the halls are all darkened.
Perhaps part of me wants to die too. I didn't think I knew what it was like to feel that way. I still want to fight-- but what's it all for if it's all just some endless cycle?
Edited (JUST ADDING SHIT LIKE A SUBWAY SANDWICH FOR AN EMO KID I GUESS) 2018-06-16 06:50 (UTC)
but fight has been a natural instinct from the beginning of time, whether in protection or retaliation or as an assertion of self
in my opinion it seems as if you're finding what has always been there, but rules or whatever dictate that you should be nice all the time. like peeling off a wallpaper to find a richer wood behind it
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But thank you for letting me know. It'd be mighty fine to hear that story someday.
While there is a shortage of flowers, it seems, I did learn about these pictures from one of the recruits. They'll do in a pinch.
✿❀❁❋✿❀❁❋✿❀❁❋✿❀❁❋
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but not as special as those flowers, couldn't be better if you picked them from the garden yourself
i'd be happy to tell you the story, what would you like to know?
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I'm glad you like them. You can tell me when I visit.
I have something for you.
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i am hopelessly intrigued. when would you like to visit? it isn't as if i'm going anywhere but i would like to at least be awake for you
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Later this evening, I think. It's gotten rather lonely waiting for John to come back.
[ ...You know what she means, John. ]
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[He definitely knows, that's why he's gotta make a crack about it.]
come whenever you like. for you i will pinch myself if i find that i'm nodding off
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It's been a long day for me. If you're asleep when I come by I'll leave the gift.
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perhaps it's best to embrace all three but the latter two don't seem like much fun
i'll be awake. if i'm not you have my every permission to wake me
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You do seem to enjoy yourself here. I will also encourage you to keep that up just as well.
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does that not happen to you?
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It's not my aim to frighten you. Ever.
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i think sometimes that's just the way of people. we do things we don't intend and sometimes the ripples spread
it's not always a bad thing, just human nature
and now what i'm feeling is reassured
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I won a fight in the arena myself. I'm not sure if it's something I should be proud of yet.
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is pride one of them but you don't think you should have it? or is it not there and you think you should?
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Truthfully, I wasn't thinking about Louis at all once I was out of the arena. I would have entered again if he hadn't told me he would be returning. It's like I can feel doors opening up inside of myself where there should be something kind and good, but the halls are all darkened.
Perhaps part of me wants to die too. I didn't think I knew what it was like to feel that way. I still want to fight-- but what's it all for if it's all just some endless cycle?
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but fight has been a natural instinct from the beginning of time, whether in protection or retaliation or as an assertion of self
in my opinion it seems as if you're finding what has always been there, but rules or whatever dictate that you should be nice all the time. like peeling off a wallpaper to find a richer wood behind it
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[ The words don't sit right as she types, but she sends them anyway, studying them for a while after. ]
Would you like anything to eat when I visit?
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would you happen to have fruit or veg? feel like i'm about to get scurvy
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The fruit doesn't look very appealing, but it's quite good.