⌞THE AGOGE⌝ | inbox

[thoughtimight]

— LOG IN｡

NAME
DOLORES ABERNATHY
@APPLEDIE

VITALS PUBLIC
LOCATION PUBLIC

Comments

[thoughtimight]

Why give yourself so many options? Shouldn't you feel one immediately?

You do seem to enjoy yourself here. I will also encourage you to keep that up just as well.

[inconstantly]

that's the thing. i'm not giving myself options. it's simply that more than one emotion is striking at once

does that not happen to you?

[thoughtimight]

Yes. Of course. Feeling only one thing all at once would be strange.

It's not my aim to frighten you. Ever.

[inconstantly]

i know

i think sometimes that's just the way of people. we do things we don't intend and sometimes the ripples spread

it's not always a bad thing, just human nature

and now what i'm feeling is reassured

[thoughtimight]

That's very pretty. Sad, but pretty.

I won a fight in the arena myself. I'm not sure if it's something I should be proud of yet.

[inconstantly]

seems as if you are the one experiencing more than one emotion

is pride one of them but you don't think you should have it? or is it not there and you think you should?

[thoughtimight]

I thought I would feel satisfaction. It seems like I should be closer to achieving something after something so terrible happened to Louis. Afterwards it felt so easy. Past the shock and grime of it all, it didn't feel unfamiliar.

Truthfully, I wasn't thinking about Louis at all once I was out of the arena. I would have entered again if he hadn't told me he would be returning. It's like I can feel doors opening up inside of myself where there should be something kind and good, but the halls are all darkened.

Perhaps part of me wants to die too. I didn't think I knew what it was like to feel that way. I still want to fight-- but what's it all for if it's all just some endless cycle?

[inconstantly]

i don't have a solid answer to that, love

but fight has been a natural instinct from the beginning of time, whether in protection or retaliation or as an assertion of self

in my opinion it seems as if you're finding what has always been there, but rules or whatever dictate that you should be nice all the time. like peeling off a wallpaper to find a richer wood behind it

[thoughtimight]

There's nothing wrong with being kind. More people should strive to see the beauty and goodness in this world.

[ The words don't sit right as she types, but she sends them anyway, studying them for a while after. ]

Would you like anything to eat when I visit?

[inconstantly]

there's nothing wrong with being kind, but just like emotions you can be that as well as something else. even if it seems incongruous

would you happen to have fruit or veg? feel like i'm about to get scurvy

[thoughtimight]

I've been gifted more food than I know what to do with by some very... excitable followers of the arena.

The fruit doesn't look very appealing, but it's quite good.